I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
