Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
