Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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