no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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