I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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