just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
