aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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