mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
BRING THE BAGELS
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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