I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
