i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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