Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Randomize
