she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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