Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
