I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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