Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
