Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she pinky promised me she was 18
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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