im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There's always time for handjobs
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
