i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
