i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
