it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
