We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
