her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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