So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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