Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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