you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
