So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
