just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just found a bag of teeth...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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