the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
