i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
