do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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