do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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