your parents love me but you hate me
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
