Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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