We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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