she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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