mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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