Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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