for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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