I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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