Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
