Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
