so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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