Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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