seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
