Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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