i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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