you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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