just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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