My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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