I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
